Book Reviewed By: Prof. (Mrs.) Merlyn Michael D'souza

HOW TO STOP WORRYING AND START LIVING

Dale Carnegie

Published Pocket Books Non Fiction

First Pocket books printing May 1985 pp. xxv + 358

About the Author

CARNEGIE, DALE (1888-1955), was a pioneer in public speaking and personality development. He became famous by showing others how to become successful. His book How to Win Friends and Influence People (1936) has sold more than 10 million copies and has been translated into many languages. His books became popular because of his illustrative stories and simple, well-phrased rules. Two of his most famous maxims are, "Believe that you will succeed, and you will," and "Learn to love, respect and enjoy other people." His other books include How to Stop Worrying and Start Living (1948). Toward the beginning of his career, Carnegie wrote Public Speaking and Influencing Men in Business (1931), which became a standard text.

Carnegie attended Warrensburg (Mo.) State Teachers College, and became a salesman for Armour and Company. Later, he taught public speaking to businessmen. He was born in Mary ville, Mo.

About the Book

The author has encouraged the reader to develop a deep, driving desire to learn, a vigorous determination to stop worrying and start living in very instance. He goes on to illustrate that peace of mind, happiness, and health and perhaps income will, in the long run, depend largely on this. We learn by doing is his maxim of life. He shows that our main business is not to see what lies dimly at a distance, but to do what lies clearly at hand. He states in several ways that the best possible way to prepare for tomorrow is to concentrate with all your intelligence, all your enthusiasm, on doing today’s work superbly today. Though he focuses on the present moment, he emphasizes that by all means we must take thought for the tomorrow, yes, careful thought and planning and preparation without anxiety. He explicitly states that good thinking deals with causes and effects and leads to logical, constructive planning, while bad thinking frequently leads to tension and nervous breakdowns. He is practical in his endeavour to cite that ‘Today well lived makes yesterday a dream of happiness and every tomorrow a vision of hope’.

1. 
   FUNDAMENTAL FACTS YOU SHOULD KNOW ABOUT WORRY:
1. Shut off the past! Let the dead past bury its dead. Shut off the future as tightly as the past. The future is today. Live in day-tight compartments.
2. Anti-Worry Technique – III steps

                                                              i.      The worst that could possibly happen

                                                            ii.      Accepting the worst that could possibly happen, if necessary.

                                                          iii.      Improve upon the worst which I accept mentally

3. Those who do not know how to fight worry die young.

Just as how practical it may sound, it is inevitably difficult to accept what has happened so as to make the first step in overcoming the consequences of any misfortune.

However, as any philosopher would agree true peace of mind comes from accepting the worst. The ready formula is to face the facts. Quit worrying, and then do something about it.

 

2. THREE BASIC TECHNIQUES IN ANALYZING WORRY:
1. Get the facts.
2. Analyze the facts.
3. Arrive at a decision. – and then act on that decision
4. Answer the following questions:

                                                              i.      What is the problem?

                                                            ii.      What is the cause of the problem?

                                                          iii.      What are all possible solutions?

                                                          iv.      What is the best solution?

Confusion is the chief cause of worry according to the book. He has suggested a way to kill confusion by getting facts in an impartial, objective way. Thus, the worries will usually evaporate in the light of knowledge. He states that, everything that is in agreement with our personal desires seems true, but everything that is not puts us into a rage. When trying to get the facts, eliminate my emotions by presuming that one is collecting this information for some other person or pretend that one is a lawyer and gets facts against myself. He has suggested the following time-tested four steps to banishing worries:

Write down, “What I am worrying about?”

Write down, “What can I do about it?

Decide what to do?

Start immediately to carry out that decision

 He has explored one of the most fundamental laws ever revealed by psychology, which is that, it is utterly impossible for any human mind, no matter how brilliant, to think of more than ‘one thing’ at any given time. The same thing is true about emotions, as he has found out. He reveals that the secret of being miserable is to have the leisure to bother about whether you are happy or not.

 

3. HOW TO BREAK THE WORRY HABIT BEFORE IT BREAKS YOU?
1. Keep busy. The worried person must lose himself in action, lest he wither in despair.
2. Let’s not allow ourselves to be upset by small things we should despise and forget. Remember, “Life is too short to be little.”
3. “Let’s examine the record.” Let’s ask ourselves, “What are the chances, according to the law of averages, that this event I am worrying about will ever occur?”
4. Cooperate with the inevitable.
5. Whenever we are tempted to throw good money after bad in terms of human living, let’s stop and ask ourselves these three questions:

                                                              i.      How much this thing I am worrying about really matters to me?

                                                            ii.      At what point shall I set a “stop-loss” order on this worry - and forget it?

                                                          iii.      Exactly how much shall I pay for this whistle? Have I already paid more than it is worth?

6. Don’t saw the saw-dust.

He has developed a novel prayer that one should neither cry for the moon nor over spilt milk. As he aptly puts it, a good supply of resignation is of the first importance in providing for the journey of life. When I can’t handle events, I let them handle themselves, according to his book. He advises us to either bend with the inevitable sleet storms of life – or to resist them and break! An interesting anecdote shared is, “The Moving Finger writes; and having writ, Moves on: nor all your Piety, nor Wit shall lure it back to cancel half a Line, nor all your Tears wash out a Word of it.”

 

4. SEVEN WAYS TO CULTIVATE A MENTAL ATTITUDE THAT WILL BRING YOU PEACE AND HAPPINESS:
1. Think and act cheerfully, and you will feel cheerful.
2. Let’s never try to get even with our enemies, because if we do we will hurt ourselves far more than we hurt them. Let’s do as General Eisenhower does: Let’s never waste a minute thinking about people we don’t like.
3. Instead of worrying about ingratitude, let’s expect it.

                                                              i.      Let’s remember that Jesus helped ten lepers in one day – and only one thanked Him Why should we expect more gratitude than Jesus got?

                                                            ii.      Let’s remember that the only way to find happiness is not to expect gratitude, but to give for the joy of giving.

                                                          iii.      Let’s remember that gratitude is a “cultivated” trait; so if we want our children to be grateful, we must train them to be grateful.

4. Count your blessings – not your troubles!
5. Let’s not imitate others. Let’s find ourselves and be ourselves.
6. When fate hands us a lemon, let’s try to make lemonade.
7. Forget yourself by becoming interested in others. Every day do a good deed that will put a smile of joy on someone’s face.

The famous line, “I had the blues because I had no shoes, until upon the street; I met a man who had no feet.” has been proved to be inspiring, time and again, by the author. He states that nobody is as miserable as he who longs to be somebody and something other than the person he is in body and mind. It is like how one’s perspective differs like the two men who looked out from prison bars, one saw the mud, the other saw the stars. He emphasizes that we must always remember that it takes a bigger man to walk away from a fight than it does to stay and fight. Service must be the root of mankind. His prescription, ‘Try to think everyday how you can please someone.’ is a guaranteed cure of worry syndrome in fourteen days. As imbibed from life, all that we demand of a human being, and the highest praise we can give him, is that he should be a good fellow worker, a friend to all other men, and a true partner in love and marriage. Man is not made to understand life, but to live it. He exhorts religious beliefs as more effective than atheism. Anyone who is truly religious does not develop a neurosis is his study.

Prayer fulfills these three very basic psychological needs:

Prayer helps us to put into words exactly what is troubling us.

Prayer gives us a sense of sharing our burdens, of not being alone.

Prayer puts into force an active principle of ‘doing’. It’s a first step towards ‘action’.

 

5. HOW TO KEEP FROM WORRYING ABOUT CRITICISM?
1. Remember that unjust criticism is often a disguised compliment. It means that you have aroused jealousy and envy. Remember that no one ever kicks a dead dog.
2. Do the very best you can; and then put up your old umbrella and keep the rain of criticism from running down the back of your neck.
3. Let’s keep a record of the fool things we have done and criticize ourselves. Since we can’t hope to be perfect, let’s ask for unbiased, helpful, constructive criticism.

An interesting fact he administers throughout the book is to do what you feel in your heart to be right – for you’ll be criticized anyway. He rests the blame of our falls on us. He has quoted an example of Lincoln, who welcomed criticism when he knew it was sincere, founded on knowledge, and given in a spirit of helpfulness.

Rest often and Rest before you get tired is a way to avoid worry. Relaxation is the absence of all tension and effort as he has discovered. Also basically, talking one’s troubles with someone one can trust is important. He advises reading, ignoring faults of others, interest in people, proper planning and relaxation as a technique to banish worry.

He has suggested some relaxation exercises for your looks and disposition:

 

6. SIX WAYS TO PREVENT FATIGUE &  WORRY AND KEEP YOUR ENERGY AND SPIRITS HIGH:
1.  Rest before you get tired.
2. Learn to relax at your work
3. Learn to relax at home.
4. Apply these four good working habits:

                                                              i.      Clear your desk of all papers except those relating to the immediate problem at hand.

                                                            ii.      Do things in the order of their importance.

                                                          iii.      When you face a problem, solve it then and there, if you have the facts necessary to make a decision.

                                                          iv.      Learn to organize, deputize and supervise.

5. To prevent worry and fatigue, put enthusiasm into your work.
6. Remember no one was ever killed by lack of sleep. It is worrying about insomnia that does the damage – not the insomnia.

Finally, our life is what our thoughts make it. God created you and all your actions.

I stood yesterday. I can stand today. And I will not permit myself to think about what ‘might’ happen tomorrow. He mentions that, nothing is important, but one’s health and Time solves a lot of things.